Discipleship: Following in the Savior's Footsteps

I grew up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I can’t really say we were a model LDS family. Oh, in a lot of ways we were, but in some very basic ways we weren’t. We only ever had a handful of Family Home Evenings, we hardly ever ate dinner together, and never had family scripture study or prayer. Even though these types of things were missing from my home, there were some other very important things that were present. I think it’s a system of checks and balances. My parents were very good at teaching me the power of service and showing me an example of 110% effort in church callings. But my favorite gospel lesson came from my father.

My father was a very busy man. He traveled a lot, both for his work and for his church service. He got tired and he got grumpy. But, what I remember most are those special occasions when he would call us around him: sometimes at the kitchen table, sometimes in the living room, sometimes all piled on my parents bed. Then my father would smile and say, “Let me tell you what I learned about the gospel today.”

Sometimes it was something deep and profound. Sometimes it was simple observances. I can’t distinctly remember many of the subjects he sat us down to talk about, what I remember is – his face. When he would bring us to him to hear about the gospel his face would shine with happiness. Have you ever been around someone who is talking about a hobby or passion that they love? Did you notice how everything about them began to change as they talked and got excited about what the subject meant to them? That was my father. I’d see him more at peace, more content, and more joyful in those moments than any others.

Of all the Family Home Evening lessons I could have had, or any other gospel centered activity, his face was the message I would carry with me into my adult years. My father taught me that the gospel of Jesus Christ is about joy.

Because of the look on his face, the change in his whole demeanor I learned what is possibly the greatest principle. The gospel brings happiness. Even if every thing else in my life is in turmoil, if I’m focusing on the gospel, I have a source of peace and joy.

So yes, I may struggle in my own family to consistently have Family Home Evening, but I hope they’ll overlook that and leave my home with the same knowledge I gained in my youth.

Service is important.
Give your all to the Lord.
The gospel brings joy.

I hope that as I try every day to be an active disciple of Jesus Christ my children can see that same look of happiness and peace on my face.

Our family is one of God's greatest gifts to us. It can be a source of joy for us, or pain. It is something that is dear to our hearts so as disciples of Jesus Christ, the first place we should carry His name is into our homes. "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" clearly states that happiness in marriage and family is best achieved when the home is centered on the principles of Jesus Christ. After our own conversion, creating a family of disciples should be our highest priority. In fact, within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe a discipleship home creates an eternal home.

How can we do this? What steps can we take to ensure that our spouses and children, or parents, brothers, and sisters have the opportunity to develop their own relationship with Jesus Christ? Here is a brief list that the ancients and modern day prophets have counseled us to attend to with the promised blessing of a happier, richer home life that is centered on the gospel of Christ.

Scripture study. Draw strength from the scriptures. Let your children see you immersed in them because they bring you joy, then help them find that joy as well. No one method is right or wrong, the priority is time spent reading together from God's word not necessarily turning our children into scripture spouting powerhouses. In our family scripture study has taken on many different faces depending on the needs of the children. When one child was struggling with embarrassment in church meetings when they could not turn to the scripture references as easily as others in the class, our family scripture time became random verse readings. Each member of the family opened their scriptures to any given point, then we would look up each person's scriptures together. The verse was read and then we moved on. If they were still tolerant after everyone had shared scriptures, we might ask them which verses they liked best and talk about them briefly.

Though it may seem inappropriate to some, there are times we treat our scripture study as a game. We bribe them with small treats equal to the number of verses we are able to read without getting ants in our pants. We see who can find the silliest or shortest verse, or the longest genealogy, or be the first to locate a scripture on a given subject. The winner gets an extra fifteen minutes before bed. This is how we keep the grumbles out of our scripture time. It works for us; it may not work for another.

Family prayer. After our scripture time, we end with a prayer. On nights where we may be behind schedule or having a difficult time in some other manner, my husband and I will divide forces and visit each child's room separately. We let the child hear us pray for them and our family, then listen to their own prayer. Again, it may not be ideal, but it's a step in the right direction that fits the season of our family.

Family Home Evening. We have been counseled by our modern prophets to set aside one night a week for our family to be together. We play, we get to know each other better, we try to resolve difficulties our family is facing, we study the gospel, we grow closer. True, there are many times when family time is a struggle, whether it is because of outside responsibilities or inside contentions and resistance. These are the things that Satan wants us to focus on, he is trying everything in his power to discourage you and weaken the links between family members. He wants us to only remember the nights when everyone is crying or staring at you sullenly. He doesn't want you to remember the times you drew closer, or things went well, or everyone left smiling. He wants you to believe that family time is impossible, and certainly not worth the trouble.

This is not what Heavenly Father has asked of us. He values our family unit. It is meant to be eternal. He has asked us to put our family first in our lives. When we shove those negative influences aside, when we schedule family time each week, even if it means sacrificing something else, then our family learns they matter. But above all else it creates a home of discipleship and reduces contention. Do not try to follow a formula that is not effective for your family unit. Just because your neighbor can have hour long, in depth gospel discussions with his family does not mean this is what your family needs. Focus your family time around your own family's needs. The point is to draw closer together in love and in the gospel, not to drive more wedges between you with unrealistic expectations.

Family meals. The same advice applies to gathering your family together once a day for a meal, casual conversation, and even reviewing family scheduling for the day. Dinner may be easiest for some families. In others it may be breakfast. Again, elaborate meals and extended amounts of time are not the priority. Touching bases with each family member and feeding them spiritual love and support is the key.

Service. Place the needs of other family members above your own and learn to service them happily. Give each other your best manners and respect, then take your serving hearts to others in your community and the world. Learn to work together to strengthen and uplift others.

It's not a very long list, some may be simpler for you than others, but as in all things, Christ takes the measure we are able to provide and fortifies it according to our needs. It does not provide a guarantee that no family member will stray or that all contention will be absent from our home. What it does provide is the strength to weather the storms of life when you learn to face them together.

As disciples of Jesus Christ, we promise to stand as His witness in all times and places, to carry His name as our standard for all to see. Sometimes this is a simple matter of living up to our beliefs on a daily basis and being examples of His ways among our fellowmen. Often it requires something more.

Perhaps one of the scariest things about discipleship is the fact that it requires us to open our mouths and testify of Jesus Christ to our friends and family, sometimes even to the complete stranger. Why is this such a daunting task? It might have something to do with the fears and inadequacies Satan whispers into our hearts. We do not want to offend, we do not want to be rejected, we do not want to create an awkward situation with someone we see every day.

On the flip side, our testimony of Jesus Christ, the power and peace that we feel from living His gospel is the greatest blessing we can have in this life. It is the greatest gift we can share with those we love. Christ has commanded those who love Him to feed His sheep. So, why do we hesitate?

I am just as guilty as many in this department. I'm a very quiet and shy person. I value and cultivate my ability to love and accept those around me as Christ would. Sometimes, it feels like sharing my testimony of Christ and the joy I have found within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is placing a judgment on those that I love; like I am somehow saying I am better than them, or can not appreciate where they are on their own spiritual path. I often hold back because I don't want my friends to feel I do not love and accept them for who they are without requiring them to believe just as I do. It becomes uncomfortable for me to share the belief that I belong to the one true church, Christ's church, on the earth today. It feels a little like saying, I live in a better house than you do, and since you don't live here with me you are somehow of less value than I. If I invite you to live with me, and you don’t, what becomes of the relationship then?

As a disciple of Jesus Christ this is something I need to learn to overcome. I need more practice showing people that I love them first, then that I love them enough to offer them the best path to happiness that can be found on this earth.

This is a lesson I once learned from a neighbor of the Jehovah’s Witness faith. When my family moved into his neighborhood he was one of the first to greet us. Not with a bunt cake and a smile, but with empty hands ready to be put to work. He saw our moving van pull in and immediately changed into his grubbies and came to lend a hand. He did not start a conversation with "what religion are you" or even an invitation to join his faith. He simply introduced himself and asked what he could do to help.
We saw him again a few days later. He stopped by on his way home from work to make sure we were settling in and fill in any questions we had about the house and neighborhood-- trash days, school bus routes, anything he thought we might need to know. Still no mention of an ulterior motive, he simply extended his hand in friendship.

The next time I saw him, I looked out the window to find he was quietly shoveling our driveway, clearing it of the snow that had fallen during the day.

The following week he finally brought over a small gift: a popular children's bible for my children and expressed his firm belief that families and children were happier with Christ in their lives. He then extended the invitation that if we had not yet found a congregation in the area to call home, or if we were searching for a religion, to worship with him and learn more about his faith. I appreciated his thoughtfulness and tactful approach. I was not offended in the least. I'd known him first as a friend, not a stranger at my door telling me his house was better than my own. I told him I was honored that he would share his beliefs with me, then assured him that my family was very active in a different religion, the LDS Church. We had found our truth and weren't looking to change. He was just as accepting of my declaration as I was of his. He ended with a simple offer that if we ever did want to know more, or simply had questions about his beliefs that he would find it a privilege to share these things with us. I shyly extended the same offer and the conversation stopped there.

It was not, however, the end of our friendship. He continued to first be our friend, and second a missionary for his beliefs in Jesus Christ. I have tried to follow his example since then.

When I open my heart to share my beliefs with someone close to me, I try to see them and myself, first in terms of our relationship and second our spiritual journeys. There is good to be found in every religion. Faith in Jesus Christ will always lead a person to a better, happier life, no matter where this introduction to Him begins. If I share my beliefs it is because there is a specific need or question that the truth that I have can help them with.

I have a dear friend in my neighborhood now that is of a different religion. What church we attend on Sunday does not enter into the relationship, it only matters that we each share a deep love for our Savior Jesus Christ and a desire to be like Him. We discuss matters of faith openly between us, sometimes from her perspective, sometimes from mine, but always with Christ at the center. Still, when I began to feel the Spirit nudging me to give her a Book of Mormon I hesitated. Would that one simple act put a strain on our friendship? Satan would certainly have me believe so. It took me weeks to work up the courage to approach her with that precious book in hand. I tried to devise the perfect way to present it. I prayed for strength and a clear path of what I should do. Then one day we were together having a good time, enjoying each other's company when it finally occurred to me: it didn't need to be anything grand, it shouldn't be anything out of the ordinary for our friendship. Like every other religious discussion we have, it was simply about two friends connecting on a spiritual level. It was about me and her, a shared love of Christ, and a book of truth that I wanted to share with her.

How did I finally present the book that day? With love and friendship.

I shared with her the promptings I'd felt from the Spirit to give her the Book of Mormon. I told her how nervous it made me to think she might feel I didn't love and accept her for who she currently was, or what congregation she worshiped in. But I also confessed that part of the reason my love for the Savior was so strong, was because of the peace and joy I find each time I open my scriptures. I admitted I was human, but also that I loved her and wanted her to have a copy of the Book of Mormon, not to pressure her to join my spiritual path, but to add to her own. I knew she had been accessing the church's web site and felt comfortable asking me occasional questions when our beliefs differed. She openly defended my beliefs to others she knew who had misconceptions about the LDS Church, but I felt I had neglected to give her access to the best knowledge of all: another testament of Jesus Christ. I asked if she would accept this book from me, not because I felt she needed to be different than she was, but that I wanted her to understand that if she ever did want to know more, or investigate my church more in depth I would be honored to share those things with her.

It was a sweet moment for both of us. She didn't feel pressured, and I didn't feel I had to magically transform into the world's greatest missionary. I simply had to be who I was: a friend.

Did she take the Book of Mormon I offered her? Yes.

Did it put a strain on our relationship? Not at all.

Did she immediately join the church? No.

But now she knows, when she's ready to know more I want her to learn it from me.

That's the lesson I learned from my Jehovah’s Witness friend. Christ loved everyone during His mortal ministry. He accepted them for where their life was at the moment. He called them friend and opened the door for them to learn more. Friend first, missionary second is the gospel sharing method I'm most comfortable with. Friends share things from their heart.

If you were to ask me what the greatest problem among mankind is, there would be many to choose from. But, I think many of them stem from a simple human frailty. There is something about our nature that compels us to compare ourselves to each other. This becomes a serious problem for many that can lead to low self-esteem, to be overly concerned with appearances both physical and material, to feed some with thoughts and acts of theft and violence. It creates a great amount of poison from seemingly harmless thoughts of comparison. The problem becomes that “as a man thinketh, so is he.”

We worry about what other people think, we worry that we are somehow inferior to them, that their life is somehow easier or better than our own. Sometimes we worry about it so much we seek out those that we feel we can be better than until we convince ourselves we are superior rather than inferior. We compare. We judge. We’re miserable because of it, but it becomes an addiction. Perhaps that’s why the Savior spent so much time telling us to “judge not”. The more time we spend consumed in negative thinking, about ourselves or others, the less of our hearts are available to feel the Savior’s love for us. The less we are able to see ourselves as He sees us.

Thus, He gave us the parable of the mote and the beam.

Matthew 7:3-4— And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

And the example of the adulterous woman.

John 8:2-11— And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.

And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

In both messages there is a theme of discouragement for judging others. In neither instance are the individuals free from fault. There was room for improvement, but it is the Lord who decides what our path should be and how we can change for the better. There is only one standard we should be comparing ourselves to: the Lord’s. His view and expectations of us are all that truly matter. We are told to seek out Christ and feel of His love, not to form opinions about how other are doing on their own journey.

He sees into our souls and wants us to become all that He sees. That is an independent and unique journey for each of us. He does not compare us to our neighbor, so neither should we.

What kinds of things can keep us from having a close relationship with someone? What kinds of things can get in the way? Prejudices, pride, anger, insufficient communication, selfishness and many other things can lead to a rift between us, and the people around us. Sadly, this is a common occurrence in the world today. It is even sadder to consider that these differences with our fellow man not only separates us from them, but also separates us from the Savior. Anger, grudges and contention chase the Spirit from our hearts.

3 Nephi 11:29— For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

As uncomfortable as these situations can make us, it is nothing compared to the emptiness that can follow from the loss of peace in our lives and the loss of the Savior who could bring that peace back. The Lord’s answer to this problem is simple and straightforward.

3 Nephi 12:23-24— Therefore, if ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto me, and rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee—
Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you.

As with many things the Savior asks of us, the path may not be easy. Some differences are easier to repair than others. But He has assured us that reconciliation is the way to His peace.

This process takes an amount of humility and self-control. When we carry the burden of hate and discontent it poisons so much of our lives. Yet, the Lord asks us to give it away to make room for His love and joy. The longer we hang onto these parts of ourselves the less of His tender mercies we are able to feel in our lives.

It may be something small: the fight you had with your spouse over how to load the dishwasher. It may be something big: the scars of an abusive childhood. The process is the same.

The Lord requires us to forgive and put away the past, just as we ask Him to do for our own sins and imperfections. Even when the sin against us seems unforgivable, He has asked us to let it go. In that process we turn over the pain, the worry, and the emotional scars to His care. The great blessing of the atonement then allows Him to succor us, no matter the state, or feelings of the other party.

President Gordon B. Hinckley has said:

“We see the need for [forgiveness] in the homes of the people, where tiny molehills of misunderstanding are fanned into mountains of argument. We see it among neighbors, where insignificant differences lead to undying bitterness. We see it in business associates who quarrel and refuse to compromise and forgive when, in most instances, if there were a willingness to sit down together and speak quietly one to another, the matter could be resolved to the blessing of all. Rather, they spend their days nurturing grudges and planning retribution. …

“If there be any who nurture in their hearts the poisonous brew of enmity toward another, I plead with you to ask the Lord for strength to forgive. This expression of desire will be of the very substance of your repentance. It may not be easy, and it may not come quickly. But if you will seek it with sincerity and cultivate it, it will come. …

“… There is no peace in reflecting on the pain of old wounds. There is peace only in repentance and forgiveness. This is the sweet peace of the Christ, who said, ‘blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.’ (Matt. 5:9.)” (“Of You It Is Required to Forgive,” Ensign, June 1991, 2, 5)

We can not affect how other people will treat us. But, we always have the freewill to decide how we will treat others, and how we will react to their treatment of us. May we learn to focus more on peace, a soft answer, and a spirit of love than we do on hurtful words and actions.

Recently, I’ve been studying the ways the scriptures talk about friendship. These stories are usually sweet and poignant.

Jonathan was a friend who put David’s needs above his own and protected David from danger.
Ruth went beyond that which was required of her and reached out to Naomi in comfort and friendship.
Job’s friends mourned with him, and tried to help Job carry his burdens during his trials.
There are friends who trust you with their lives.
There are friends who defend your integrity.
There is also a story of Moroni, in the Book of Mormon, that tells of the years he spent wandering and alone, the last of his people. He had no family and no friends, but he had plenty of enemies that wanted him dead. My heart cries out for the pain and sorrow his life must have contained during that time. It is a great blessing to have these true friends in life. It is also a blessing that is often overlooked.

But, perhaps the best description of a friend comes from Jesus Christ, Himself.

John 15:13-14- But, perhaps the greatest statement on friendship comes from the Savior Himself.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

I can think no greater compliment than to be called Christ’s friend. He carries the best attributes of a friend. Not only those I have identified from various scriptures, but every good gift of friendship that can be conceived. He will never abandon us. He will always stand behind us, support us, and guide us. He offers peace and comfort. He offers council, and understanding. He atoned for our sins, so that we could stand before God clean. He died for us, and was resurrected, to open the gateway for our restored lives as well. He is the Exemplar, the Savior, the Elder Brother, the Good Shepherd, and the Advocate. He is our friend.

All He asks in return is to live up to the potential for good that He knows we have by following His commandments. I want and need His divine friendship, so I will follow.

The family is a basic unit of society. However, its definition and expectations tend to also change with the whims of society. The Lord’s view of the family does not change. It is the most important aspect of our lives here on earth and is central to His plan for our happiness.

In 1995 the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued a scriptural proclamation to the world about their stand on the family. In it, the marriage relationship is clearly explained based on scriptural and gospel principles. In short, marriage is to be a partnership and ideally it is a progressive and wholesome relationship between two disciples and God, Himself. Members of the LDS Church believe that marriage, and the family unit it forms, is an eternal contract between a man and a woman and Heavenly Father. They are bound together in a commitment to goodness and happiness and desire to support each other in becoming more Christ-like.

If this is the goal of a marriage, how do our individual roles as disciples of Christ help us toward this type of eternal happiness? Simply put, we practice the same Christ-like traits within our home that we take with us out into the world.

In Genesis 2, the Lord councils Adam and Eve to cleave to each other and become one. When problems arise, our partner is still our first priority. Disciples look to their mate first and remain together and unified with the Lord in their goals and purposes. They do not turn to extended family and friends for comfort and council. They do not speak ill of their partner in front of others.

Marriage and family leaves little place for selfishness. Here, the world would have us think otherwise. But the Lord has said forget yourself and serve, consider another’s needs above your own and yours will be met as well. Following the example of Christ, you should never let a day go by where you have not considered your partner’s happiness and well-being.

Marriage is the ultimate act of charity. It is work and requires us to call into play every attribute of goodness and kindness that we can to support and help each other. When we remember to bring God into our marriages, we draw closer to Him and to each other. No family unit will reach perfection and exclusive happiness in this life. It is a process and commitment to those principles that focus on eternal goodness and a path that will lead us there. It takes firm and sometimes overwhelming commitment, but the Lord has promised us it is worth it. He has never hinted that His paths are easy. He has only assured us that the blessings would be obtainable within our best efforts and joyful in their outcome.

Some say that children should come with little instruction manuals tied to their wrist when their born. Something that would tell parents how to raise a particular child so that they become a happy, productive, well-adjusted adult in the end. Without costing us our sanity in the mean time.

Not me. I firmly believe that children should be born with a warning label tattooed on their cute little bums. Something like:

“Caution. They may look cute now, but watch out when they learn to use words like ‘no’ and ‘why’. Eventually they’ll embarrass you in public, keep you up all night, take advantage of your generosity, and take control of the car keys, the phone and the fridge. One moment they’ll break your heart, then the next it will burst with joy…”

I could go on and on, but that wouldn’t all fit would it? I guess “Caution” would be enough.

Parenthood is a tough road, but it’s also one of the greatest blessings Heavenly Father can give us. So what do we do with these little bundles of joy He’s placed in our care? What is our role as disciples of Christ when it comes to our children?

Fortunately, discipleship comes with a special knowledge: we are not left alone to raise our children. We have an instruction manual, a mentor, and a surveillance system all at our disposal if we choose to take advantage of them.

Read the instruction manual.

When we absorb ourselves daily in the scriptures, the words of God have a chance to imprint themselves on our hearts. His will, His instructions, can lead us through the most difficult paths. Even parenthood.

Sometimes the answers are directly given, like:

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

-- and --

“And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the devil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.
But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.” Mosiah 4:14-15

Sometimes their a little more general, like:

“Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father;” 1 Thessalonians 1:3

-- and --

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” James 1:19

They may not specifically say, “Jimmy would do better in karate than basketball” but, they will tell you how to decide.

“But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must cask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong…” Doctrine and Covenants 9:8-9

Learn from the example of the teacher.

As with everything, Jesus Christ is our perfect example. The more we become like Him and try to emulate His actions they closer we become to Him and to those we love.

“Verily, verily, I say unto you, this is my gospel; and ye know the things that ye must do in my church; for the works which ye have seen me do that shall ye also do; for that which ye have seen me do even that shall ye do.” 3 Nephi 27:21

Listen to the Spirit for daily updates.

When we are trying our best: learning from God’s words, learning from Christ’s life and love, praying and developing our relationship with our eternal Heavenly Father and our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ, we open our hearts to the presence of the Holy Ghost. We are entitled to his guidance and inspiration from day to day and moment to moment. He comforts, He teaches, He warns, He inspires, He leads us (and those we love) to Christ.

“Whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

Does that mean we’ll have perfect children? Not at all. Just like us, they have agency. Just like us they can choose Christ or not. Even when they are trying their best, they’ll still make mistakes. Just like us.

It may seem peculiar to be having a discussion on manners as we explore the nature of charity. The reality is that it may have more bearing on our ability to develop charity than we realize. Bruce R. McConkie once put it this way:

“Courtesy is a natural outgrowth of the refining influence of the Spirit of the Lord.”

First, what is the Lord really asking when He tells us not to behave in an unseemly fashion? He is asking us to let our actions, words, and interactions testify of Him. We are to be examples of His love and nature every day. As His disciples, we are promising to stand as a witness of His gospel “at all times and in all things, and in all places”. Showing respect and consideration for others is a big part of that.

The Lord has provided instruction concerning our actions in the following manner:

“Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:” 1 Peter 3:8

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

Many in this day and age have forgotten the power of courtesy. We live in a “me first” society when Christ would have us living in a “you first” world. It is now the abnormal standard to treat everyone with kindness and respect instead of the expected standard. We may know the golden rule but many no longer believe in its power for good. Think of the power there is in a sincere apology, a random act of kindness with nothing expected in return, in considering another’s feelings before speaking. When they come from the heart, good manners show thoughtfulness, kindness, love, respect and gratitude.

Another aspect to consider is our appearance. What does it say about our beliefs and nature? We act differently depending on what we are wearing. We wouldn’t consider weeding the garden or playing basketball in our Sunday best. Conversely, we tend to be a bit more reserved when we’ve been careful with our appearance.

Refraining from unseemly behavior is also often contagious, just as the opposite is true. When we act in a manner that is pleasing to our Heavenly Father we can:
Create a more loving home.
Improve our relationships with family and friends.
Helps us accomplish our righteous goals.
Create a better community, country and world.

When was the last time you had to wait, really wait, for something you didn’t think you should have? Be it pizza delivery or a long prayed for pregnancy that never seems to come, we all have moments in our lives that seem long.

To God’s perspective it doesn’t seem but a moment, to ours it can feel like a lifetime. What exactly does it mean to “suffereth long”? This phrase is often rearranged to be identified as long-suffering or patience. It’s amazing to me how many of the statements in 1 Corinthians 13 relate back to our need for patience. As a sometimes very impatient woman, that can be a little discouraging. Perhaps the fact that it is listed first, and then multiple times, can give us some insight to its importance to the Savior. He was the perfect example of long-suffering and patience. I think of the many times the crowds pressed him for answers they thought would discredit him. I think of the many times he had to teach and re-teach the same principles until His disciples could understand them. I think of the many times He was not allowed any personal space as the masses pressed upon Him and pled for Him to serve them when He was already exhausted. Yes, Christ suffered long. We are all striving with a sincere desire to be more like Him; still, our everyday lives seem to get in the way. Our basic human nature cries out to understand: what exactly what are we to suffer and for exactly how long?

To me, I think the key is to look back at the root of what we are suffering for. The scripture in its entirety reads: “Charity suffereth long”. Yes, this world is full of all kinds of suffering. Many of these things are painful and to be endured for undetermined amounts of time. However, in this instance it is charity: the love of Christ in our lives, that is to endure with patience. It is the attitude we maintain behind the suffering, not the suffering itself. It is those things we endure because of love that must withstand the test of time: the love that we have for a wayward child, the patience we maintain with an elderly parent, the suffering and compassion we feel for a friend in need. These must suffer long and be endured as the Savior would.

There is, however, a different kind of suffering that the Savior does not expect us to endure. I speak of abuse in any form. The Lord does not ask us to suffer injury to our spirits or bodies in His name. This is not charity and need not be suffered long. Rather, He is asking us to improve ourselves, our divine nature, our willingness to love others as He does, and show forth patience and long-suffering as we learn these life lessons.

This distinction, however, does not mean worthwhile experiences are never painful. Rather, the pain can at times bring the sweetest blessings. However, if the act is not centered in love and charity, it is not of Him. It is not growth and emulating the Savior’s life to let others destroy ours. On the same note, it is not growth and charity to try to tear down or destroy others, or try to make them follow the path you have chosen for them rather than the path the Savior has chosen for them.

If charity is to suffer long in our lives, how can we show forth righteousness and a willingness to patiently endure, to show forth His love when we would rather follow a different path?

1. We can look to the scriptures. They are full of righteous examples to help us understand the Lord’s timetable and show us the power of waiting on the Lord.

2. Take time to evaluate our current circumstances. Where have we overlooked the hand of the Lord, what areas would He have us develop greater love and patience in?

3. Look toward those around us for examples of loving kindness and patience. Develop a plan to become more like those that we admire.

4. Set a daily goal for more patience in one area of your life.

Charity is a life long project, so is each element of its nature. Choose an area of patience and long-suffering that you can affect and see it through. Recommit to your goal each day and ask for the Lord’s guidance and direction as you try to meet that goal and “suffereth long”.

Many months ago I ran across a store window display that actually left an impression with me. It was a jewelry store. Instead of the normal velveteen steps and satin pillows many jewelers use, this store featured something different. Inside the display case was a very large geode. Its rough gray surface was tilted toward the back so that the brilliant shades of purple crystal found inside could be used as a display platform for the jeweler’s pearls, gold and other gems. Curious, I went into that jewelry store and found an entire case of geodes, as well as the largest (probably 3 feet across) I’d ever seen.

Geodes are very fascinating rocks whose insides house beautiful crystal formations. You can’t tell from the outside what you’ll see on the inside. It’s the same way with a lot of things around us. You can’t always tell how the apple will taste by how it looks, or how well a car will run by its color. More importantly, you can’t always tell about people by how they look or act. We are warned to judge not.

I am reminded of the story of the calling of David found in 1 Samuel. Samuel looked on each of Jesse’s sons before turning toward the youngest, David, and seeing in him what the Lord needed from the next king.

1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

This is good advice for all of us. I’m sure David’s brothers had both good and bad qualities. Only the Lord could tell what was actually in their hearts. While choosing a car for its color rather than its performance can have a lasting affect on our lives, it is much more damaging to look at another individual with the same types of judgments. It can be damaging to our spirits, and theirs. Finding fault in other’s circumstances, actions or personality can have caustic effects. It generally means we’re spending too much time critically looking outside of ourselves rather than looking for ways we can become closer to our Savior. We are pointing out motes and ignoring our own beams as we are warned against in both 3 Nephi 14:2-5 and Matthew 7:3.

Still, judgment is a necessary part of life. We are here to make choices and prove that we will do all we can to return to our Heavenly Father, so how do we resolve the two. Judgments must be made: whether or not to watch a particular form of entertainment, whether or not to let our children play at someone else’s house, whether or not to buy the red car. How do we follow the commandment to “Judge not” when we have important decisions to make every day?

Samuel gave us that answer as well. He looked at what he could see, and yes he had opinions, but ultimately he asked the Lord and trusted His word. David was chosen for his heart not his stature. Our neighbor was chosen to mother her children; we were chosen to mother ours. We do not know her heart, the Lord does.

We must look to our own lives first, searching out the areas of our hearts that don’t carry what we would like the Lord to find there, then turn to Him as we look at the world around us and trust Him to lead us toward choices that are also in tune with His will. If it is hurtful or damaging we should not judge. It doesn’t belong in our hearts or lives. Kindness was the guiding factor of the Savior’s life. Let it guide ours as well.